THE YOUTH PASTOR'S WIFE

6 Social Media Sites For Building Your Online Presence

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:53:45 +0000

Establishing your online presence is essential to influencing what others are saying about you on the internet. Previously we discussed the basic elements of an online profile. Now we’re going to move into the types of profiles to consider: interactive and non-interactive. Interactive profiles are built on Web 2.0 technology and are often referred to as “social media.” These are platforms for you to interact with your target audience, virtual meeting places for people to get to know each other.

Some popular social media sites to consider are: Read More…

3 Questions That Lead To LinkedIn and Social Networking Success

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:52:12 +0000

There is a lot of info out there to increase your efficiency with social networking. A Google search turns up several results—I simply looked up “how to network with people” and a book by Harvey McKay, titled “Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty” came up. As the title indicates, it does make sense to have a well ready by the time you need to drink from it. Likewise, active social networking turns up the most results when created before you need the benefits of the network itself. It is best to use a simple strategy developed by answering the three simple questions outlined below. Read More…

How To Turn Facebook Into A Virtual Resume

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 22:29:44 +0000

Facebook has changed it up again; Facebook Timeline has been launched and the response has been well received. It’s an entirely new way to look at social media profiles and the change works in your favour. For the first time you can go back and edit your past activity on Facebook by adding life events and status updates. This means you can go back to your birth and recreate your life on social media, filling in the gaps for your friends.

This is incredibly beneficial for job seekers. There are over 800 million active people on Facebook and one of your friends may be the connection to your next job lead. Are you ready? Besides posting that you are looking for work in your status updates, you can make the most of Facebook’s current functionality by making these updates to your profile. Read More…

5 Elements Of An Online Profile

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 03:08:37 +0000

People are talking about you online! A simple Google search will reveal where your name is popping up, and you might not like what you read. All self-employed individuals should engage in online brand management to influence what others are saying about them. This includes having well-crafted profiles on several platforms where you will find your target audience. Chris Kulbaba of LinkedIn Heavyweight explains it this way:

“Marketing is made up of the four “P’s”: Product, Price, Placement, and Promotion. With Social Media, you get the four P’s leveraged for free, as well you get the two “T’s”: trust and transparency. So, in the new world of business, 4P’s + 2T’s = customers buying your product!”

The first step to establishing an online presence is formulating a winning profile that will be consistent on all platforms. This includes the following… Read More

How I Get My Kids’ Clothes For Cheap

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 07:09:15 +0000

I came across the best post tonight about clothing children affordably. I couldn’t have said it better myself. She explains exactly how she stocks up on affordable clothing, which just happens to be how I do it as well. I shop thrift stores, garage sales, get clothes given to me, browse kijiji, trade with my sisters, and hit the Children’s Place sales for the best deals. I also sell some of the cutest pieces when my kids out grow them so I can make a little money to buy new stuff, the rest I donate to others wanting to clothe their children on a budget. I’m always looking for clothes if you have any that need a new home. Enjoy! http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/sarah-deveau-money-matters/clothing-children-for-cheap

Seasonal Self-Employment

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 00:39:08 +0000

The holiday season is approaching and with it comes the spirit of giving, often disguised as that incredible urge to buy things for those we love, even if we can’t afford it. Many people blow their budget and feel the pain of their overspending when the credit card bills arrive in January; however, seasonal self-employment could be the answer. This is when you provide a service or product temporarily for the holiday season to help you bring in a certain amount of money. Although it’s a great way to bring in some extra cash to keep the holidays affordable and the bank account healthy, what opportunities are really our there?

Tap into your hidden skills, some self-employment ideas are:

Shoveling snow in the neighbourhood
Read More…

Are Social Buying Coupons Worth it for Small Businesses?

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:46:20 +0000

Social buying coupons have got consumers in a shopping frenzy this Christmas. Companies offer amazing discounts through social buying sites for their goods or services if a certain number of coupons or deals are purchased. At first glance social buying coupons seem like an effective way for local customers to get a great discount on gift certificates and products, and get their Christmas shopping done on budget this year. It also seems like a great way for small businesses to increase their sales. But do social buying coupons do what is intended? Sure the steep discounts attract a large numbers of new patrons initially, but do they create repeat and loyal customers? Read more…

The First Snowfall = Hope

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:01:58 +0000

Soft white flakes fall from the sky on the first snowfall of the year. I welcome the snow from my window with a warm cup of tea. Thoughts of peace fill my mind as I consider the promises of the Christmas season approaching. Snow covers the brown and yellow lawn with a blanket of white, forgiving its ugliness with a clean slate. Hope. The first snowfall evokes feelings of hope. New season. New opportunities. New hope.

4 Ways for Youth Pastors to Protect Their Marriages

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 05:18:18 +0000

Loneliness, resentment and depression… these are the words that describe many pastor’s spouses. Journey with me as I share a little of my story and some practical tips to prevent this pain in your youth ministry marriage.

When I became a youth pastor’s wife I bought into the fairy tale that my life was going to be fun, enjoyable and easy. I was so wrong! Sure it can be a lot of fun and enjoyable to be married to a youth pastor, but it is far from easy. I knew from the age of 16 that I was going to marry a youth pastor. What I didn’t know was that I would be joining the 80% of pastor’s wives that feel unappreciated by their churches and the 88% that experience some form of depression (17% of which experience deep depression and self-destructive thoughts). Pastors may feel prepared for the lifestyle of ministry but 84% of their spouses don’t!

My husband and I married in 1999 and within days were moving across the country for my husband’s first church as a full time youth pastor. We did our best to figure out how to relate to each other as a new married couple in our new surroundings. I tried to be the perfect pastor’s wife, following the model of what I expected a normal marriage would be like and how a stereotypical pastor’s wife should behave. He tried to be a successful youth pastor by pouring himself and all his time into the ministry. I expected we would have a marriage like my mother and father’s, where you work all day and are home together for evenings, weekends and holidays.

Resentment grew as the unrealistic expectations I had for my marriage and myself were not met. I resented that I was rarely genuinely appreciated or acknowledged for being myself; I was usually referred to as “the youth pastor’s wife”, as if my name didn’t matter. I resented that my husband focused most of his attention on running a successful ministry and gave me his leftovers. I felt I could not share how I was really feeling with him for fear that I would appear as un-supportive. When he was around I would nag him about petty things attempting to bring my marriage closer to the ‘normal’ I expected it to be, and I was visibly unhappy with him. Not measuring up at home in turn made him want to spend more time trying to be successful at work, all the while he was baffled as to what my problem really was.

With no family or friends close bye I struggled to find a safe person to talk to within the church. I found no one that understood the unique pressures I had as a ministry spouse. Any amount of concern I raise about my marriage made it hard for people to keep respect for my husband. Having no one to talk to lead to loneliness and isolation. Within the first year of ministry and marriage I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and within two years we left the first church.

The statistics are staggeringly shocking. The number one reason pastors leave the ministry is “wives issues”. If you think about it logically, your spouse’s issues are your issues and your ministry’s issues. If you want your ministry and marriage to be successful you need to get your priorities straight – your marriage comes first (1 Timothy 3). After 10 years in ministry this is what we eventually learned and are still learning today:

1. Be aware of Expectations

Expectations are one of the top issues in pastoral families, whether they are real or not. Pastor’s spouses perceive expectations from their spouse, their churches and from themselves of who they are supposed to be, what they are supposed to do, where they are supposed to live, how they are supposed to dress, where they are supposed to be involved in the church, who their friends should be… you get the picture! Do not compare your spouse or your marriage to others’, you’re unique – figure out and agree on what is right for your marriage. Note that expectations will change over time as your family grows and changes.

2. Communicate

I believe 99% of my issues would have been prevented had I talked about my expectations and feelings with my husband. Talk about the expectations of your spouse’s role in your ministry and expose and deal with any unrealistic expectations on your part, the churches part and your spouse’s part. Be a safe person for your spouse to talk to so you can deal with any resentful feelings immediately. They will drive a wedge between you and your ministry if swept under the rug. Seek professional help if needed.

3. Spend time together

Loneliness is also a top issue in pastoral families. Your job can be very demanding, requiring you to be on call and away when youth are available: evenings, weekends and holidays. This is neither fair to your spouse, nor healthy for you. Commit to not take on more than your marriage can handle and let your spouse tell you when you are over committed. Be creative in figuring out ways to stay connected physically and spiritually. Check out other articles for ideas and ask other pastors what they do to balance life between church and family. Keep in mind; part of your ministry is modeling to youth a marriage worth waiting for.

4. Have safe outlets

Hanging out with friends as a couple can be therapeutic and bring a sense of normalcy. Other youth pastor’s in the area make great people to connect with. Unfortunately people in your church often are not safe friends. Help your spouse find someone safe to confide in about the challenges of ministry life. There are many online forums for pastor’s spouses to anonymously ask for support from others in similar situations. There are also several ministry spouses who are blogging. Just Google “pastor’s wife” of “pastor’s husband” and numerous resources will pop up. Knowing that others struggle with versions of the same issues is strangely comforting.

Joyful, thriving, genuine… these are the things your spouse longs to be. Take the time to figure out what works for your marriage – your ministry needs it and God requires it!

6 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Working For Free

Miranda Vande Kuyt — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 03:47:21 +0000

What should you do if someone requests your services for free? I recently followed a heated debate in the Resume Writers and Career Coaches LinkedIn group, where a majority of the 30 respondents thought it depended on the person asking. What I’ve surmised from this discussion is that it’s best to set a policy about free services early on to spare yourself some strained relationships.

There are two things to consider here: discounts and pro-bono work. A flat discount for friends and family is one way small businesses address the issue. If you are unsure about this, then use a decision-making framework to evaluate the risks and benefits of accepting or not accepting pro-bono work on a case-by-case basis. Ask yourself the following questions. Read More…